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drewzdestiny's LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, September 5th, 2007 | | 9:13 am |
Status...
Well, I am at work...duh! And, as much as I want to write...I probably shouldn't be on here too long. I just wanted to update and show the progress of the diet. So last monday August 27th I was at 215.7 as of today I weigh 210.00 (prob more accurately 205 since the weight scale is off by abt 4 lbs and clothes and shoes are usually 2 lbs.) But, the scale says 210 so that's where we are at.. 5 lbs on just diet pills YAY! However, if my target goal is 195 I still have alot to do..people keep telling me I am crazy I am so tall and skinny as it is..but, I don't know what they are seeing. I think I just hold my weight well....maybe all the fat is in my legs or something...but, still 195 is where i need to be...so wish me luck....15 more lbs to go....I should prob. excercise...lol that might help!
MUAH!
Drew. Current Mood:  bouncyCurrent Music: Tweet - Call Me | | Tuesday, August 28th, 2007 | | 3:32 pm |
Hi
The diet pills have arrived.....Andrew's getting skinny Day ZERO...since Day One really starts tomorrow...
WISH ME LUCK!!
ANDREWS WORKING ON HIS FITNESS...Ya'LL My Witness...
Current Mood:  hornyCurrent Music: Be Still - Kelly Clarkson | | 12:45 pm |
Diet.....Grrr!
Diet time folks. I hate it. I am so hungry. I think I am going to look into this product my friend is taking HOODIA! My ass is getting too big. Well, actually my ass is fine YEAH IT IS...sorry, I digress...My stomach looks like crap I just need to lose maybe like 15 lbs...so I can start putting on some muscle...NEW GOALS:
1. LOSE 15-20 LBS
2. HIRE A TRAINER
3. LOVE MYSELF... (lol) it should be number one
I love myself...maybe too much and, that's why I am in this dilemma. I guess with the new clothes I bought myself I just want to turn my age the best way I can. It's a big number this year. And, I just want to my outside appearance to reflect how I feel on the inside.
Wish me luck gang, gotta get back to work.
love,
Drew Current Mood:  quixoticCurrent Music: My Girl Gotta Girlfriend - Ray Lavendar (SO NOT FITTING WIT MY MOOD) | | Friday, August 24th, 2007 | | 1:11 pm |
The Boo Strikes Back
Well, I just had lunch with my friend Nic....and, her & I talked about my issues! Ha ha...which there are so many of. She said something that made me feel good, so I wanted to share....she said "How could anyone not fall in love with you?" I am like well believe it but, there are actually quite a few who don't share that opinion. Namely Mister...hmmm I should think of a creative nickname for him! How about Closet-man?? I will work on this but, for right now he shall be referred to by what we all call him BOO*
Once again on the way back from Walmart last night....Boo* struck again. Around 921pm standard pacific time..Boo text "How is smallville?" I am thinking are you kidding me?? You really want me to reply to that lame question...I am like why does he keep doing this...if you want to talk be honest..tell me what's going on....then at 926 after not having text...I get "HELLO" ummm aren't you in bed with the "W". Don't you have more important things to do.....then talk to me about some television show, which by the way you knew I wasn't going to watch because earlier I had told you I was planning on staying in San Luis that night. So, really the text said "How's Smallville?" but, in reality it was code for.... "Where are you? Who are you staying with? What's going on?.... Men... hidden codes...midnight texts....Am I spy? do I have my own secret jet plane? I didn't think so...why can't you just tell me how you feel...but, then again...I guess I can be more honest too..?
I thought things were supposed to get easier when you turn certain ages...not more confusing.
On, the plus side...well, hmmm I don't have any money saved up yet...although I did just get paid...and, I think I may be able to set aside 200....so that's good.. Hopefully by sept. 10th...I will have 200.00 in my savings account...That would make me feel good..
xoxoxo
Drew
P.s I am really going to try to use my livejournal more...I know I have said that before but, I always get busy...when I do though...I feel better :)
Current Mood:  determinedCurrent Music: Cassie - Is It You? (Step Up 2 Soundtrack) | | Thursday, August 23rd, 2007 | | 10:32 am |
How I feel....not just a song but, oh what a feeling...lol
Here is just a rant....I don't understand his behavior or his actions. And, I really don't understand what he is feeling. Everytime I think I "GET IT" he does something stupid. What is his crime today? O.k before I continue....even if this doesn't seem rationale it's how I feel.
First, he flaked on lunch...and, the reason is because he has to meet her....and, does he have to say what she is...I mean hello we know what she is...she was still that "W" word when you were texting me last night...and when you call me on the way home...and she is still that when you email me all day. I get it....the question is do you get it? Wait, apparently you don't....maybe that's where the interest in me lies. GRRRRRRRRR! Men are stupid. All of our friends see how you act towards me and the behavior you show me...and all the close friends know more intimate details...and, yet you still go back. I can't even believe I fall for your shit half the time but, I do....
Current Mood:  frustratedCurrent Music: Kelly Clarkson - How I Feel. | | Friday, March 30th, 2007 | | 2:10 pm |
Dime...
Life can turn on a dime.... Things are better...will explain later.....
Drew Current Mood:  pensive | | 1:04 pm |
Work
I am at work on a would-be lunch....and I am so stressed and pissed and aggrivated. And, I am doing my best to change my attitude and not sit in this room with all the fury of a valkyrie..but, my best is not good enough. I just want to go home right now. My emotions are so strong right now....I can feel them boiling over....turning and twisting inside myself....I am just going to continue to work and type and pray that this day is over soon.... Drew Current Mood:  pissed offCurrent Music: ICE BOX - OMARION | | Friday, March 23rd, 2007 | | 12:48 am |
The Secret is out....
OMG...So of course I can't go to sleep for multiple reasons...But, the main reason...
MY INCOME TAX CHECK CAME IN!! Ok, doubt it all you want....But, ever since I watched that movie things have been happening...They really have.
I told myself a week and a half ago....I want the income tax check in the bank by Friday...I kept saying over and over...and over and over...and I kept saying the check will be there....GUESS WHAT I CALLED MY BANK about HALF AN HOUR AGO..to see how much my paycheck was...it was ok..wasn't great...but then it also said i received another check deposited...I AM SO FREAKIN HAPPY...I love life and I love this movie..and I love the fact that I am able to apply it.
On another note...Kevvy K has been calling me often...and its nice that he is keeping in contact much better. He is pretty awesome.
And, through him I met another very cool girl...Jazmyn...I am so happy and grateful I have such awesome friends in my life. KEVIN I HOPE U FEEL BETTER BABE!
Drew gotta go to bed... Current Mood:  optimistic | | Monday, March 19th, 2007 | | 4:50 pm |
Awake...
I am Finally Awake..
That is the best way to sum up with how I feel at this very moment. I have finally woken up to who I am and what I am capable of. The only limit is the one I give myself. And, right now til' forever...I am star bound. I am so grateful for the people in my life. And, I am grateful that I have a life. And, the fact that I have food, and shelter. And, all the simplistic needs we take for granted. I am AWAKE. And, I appreciate it and am grateful. And, I am happy that I have friends that love and care for me. And, I am happy that I care and love them as well.
And, if you can believe it I am grateful for LIVE JOURNAL! :) I used to have so many thoughts and questions....questions and thoughts that I could never find the answers too. And, even if I could I didn't know quite what to do with them. But, I have a much better handle on me...and, i know I will be fine. And, NOW that I rediscovered Livejournal....you can hear my thoughts and rambles and tirades and diatribes..at your leisure.
Hehe.
Current Mood: happyCurrent Music: Cupids Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes | | Tuesday, May 24th, 2005 | | 10:32 pm |
What a difference a day makes...
I am so sad right now. Yesterday, I had a great day. I worked productively...I had a nice time at home. Right now, I am crying. I had an incident with my 16 yr old nephew Jack. My family & I went out to dinner after work. As we were walking out. I noticed that my 16 yr old nephew was saggin in his shorts. So, as a joke I snuck up behind him and pulled them down. He has done this to all of us at one point. So I didn't think he would really be offended. I was wrong. He started screaming at me that I was a fag. And, (it's a bit of a blur) he basically just started calling me names. And, I spoke back that he was such a big man for being 16 years old. And, he told me that he wasn't afraid of me..that he would hit me. I said go for it. And, seriously I don't know what happened next. I remember getting punched in the face. And, then I remember that if someone is gonna hit you even if they are your 16 year old nephew that you shouldn't stand there getting hit. So I hit him back. I ended up hitting him a few times in his face and stomach. It was a pretty awful scene. We were finally pulled apart by my sister Marla. There was blood, I remember that. Followed by screaming. For a moment it was like I was one of those mexicans I feel superior to on COPS. He called me fag, and how I fuck guys in the ass. And, then he started yelling at my sister MARLA..telling her to fuck off..and it just turned into an intense drama. All the while my young nieces and nephews ranging from 4 to 8 watched with horror. As, I sit home now...I reflect back to how I was responsible for my part....and, I realize that he has SERIOUS PROBLEMS...but, it is just a really sad situation. I am sorry for the people who had to see it...I am sorry for the fact that I even did what I did. I am sorry I hit my nephew but, I had no choice. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a very easy going avoid conflict type of person. I can let quite alot roll of me. I have thick skin. I am not one who starts fights. It hurts my heart that this happened. I am not one of these typical gay guys that is completely emotional about things...but, I do wear my heart on the sleeve. I just try not to show it. Tonight...It is exposed. I truly am sad for us all. Current Mood:  depressedCurrent Music: Sex and the city episode | | Sunday, March 27th, 2005 | | 10:16 pm |
Low.....
Well, this weekend was certainly interesting....I guess I haven't really had a manic weekend in awhile so it was time...lol I got into a fight with my family...But, that wasn't just it. It feels like I got into a fight with life. I had reached a point...with everything. For the first time in quite a while I felt like giving up...I didn't want to try...I wanted to be still. I came home on Saturday Night...I felt like I am gonna get drunk & pass out..I need to take myself out of time...I had a beer...and, as luck would have it...some girlfriends called and said do you wanna go downtown have dinner & see a movie. I thought why the fuck not...I figured I could get me a drunk at the bar..WHICH I DID. Saw The RING TWO...(again) I got home around midnight...it was fun...but, it still didn't get me out of this funk...I felt low...I feel responsible for so much...even my own thoughts & actions have to be rationalized & sterilized to the point of them not being there...I can't ever be mean, I can't ever get angry...I can't ever feel....And, still after all this...It's not appreciated or welcomed.... I felt low......that's the best way I can describe it...For Easter I decided to stay in and SPRING CLEAN...MY CLoset looks great...well it looks tons better than when I went in there...plus I found alot of clothes I haven't worn in awhile... I think I need to get away from my surroundings for awhile..I need to be "SINGLE" in a sense....single..as in new situations...new people...I just need not to feel like myself for a bit...One person can only take so much... I am just ranting...so please feel free to ignore this...this is how i am feeling right now.... Current Mood:  blankCurrent Music: None.... | | Friday, March 11th, 2005 | | 9:24 pm |
Sex Survey...Thanks Kevin!
1. Had sex? Yes
2. Had oral sex? Yes, and Yes
3. Had anal sex? Yes
4. Used more than 3 positions in one session? Yes
5. Devoted a whole day to sex? Honestly, I can say half a day..IM REALLY GOOD what can I say?
6. Had noise complaints from neighbors during a sex session? I don't think so, why what did they say?
7. Received open praise for sexual technique? Yes
9. Fallen or lost balance during sex? Yes, balance.....fallen off the bed maybe...
10. Brought partner to climax using only hands? Yes
11. Brought partner to climax using only mouth? Yes, morning ritual for us both.
12. Had sex while totally dressed? Dressed? As in a cowboy hat, or a peter pan costume...umm no.
13. Had sex while standing up? Against the wall..Yes.
14. Erotically licked feet or sucked toes? Now sucked, no. Licked...I had my feet licked..not the bottom of them ...but like the top and side..it wasn't too bad....=)
15. Had sex during yours or her "monthly visit"? Who was visiting? I can't say I had an AUNT FLO or a crimson wave... happen to me during sex.
16. Used whipped cream/soft chocolate erotically? Yes, But no chocolate. Strawberries....& whipped cream..and we put the strawberries in certain places...and ummm yeah we ate them.
17. Used ice erotically? Yes.
18. Used hot melted wax erotically? Yes, I practiced on myself when I was young & then had it done to me when I was older I like it...
19. Shaved your pubic hair? Yes.I still shave the balls....smooth much better it is a bitch to keep shaved..
20. Used a sex toy? Multiple Times LOL. I like this answer...and, it works
22. Used an inanimate object (bottle, candle, hairbrush, etc.)? Yes, when i was younger...not too youn around 15 or 16 I used to be creative..I will leave it at that...
24. Obtained money or a favor for sex? No.
25. Paid or granted a favor for sex? No.
26. Given sex in sympathy? Sex with an ex, doesn't count does it?
27. Had sex with a virgin? No
28. Ever cheated? honestly? No.
29. Had sex with someone 10 years older/younger than you? No, but would like to CLOONEY.
31. Had sex with a teacher? No, but would have liked to at the time. Now, probably not.
32. Had sex with a boss? No...with a coworker i would like...well just orally.
33. Had sex with a relative? No.
36. Had homosexual sex? Yes, it's the best kind.
39. Had sex with someone the same day that you met them? Yes.
40. Had sex with someone whose name you didn't know? No.
41. Had sex with someone you never spoke to/spoke different languages? No.
42. Had more than 10 sexual partners? At one time? No, and No.
44. Had two separate sexual partners within 24 hours? No.
45. Had a menage-a-trois? Ummm. Moving on.
46. Had group sex (more than 3)? No.
47. Participated in a swap/swinging club? No..
48. Had two regular partners at the same time? NO!
49. Had sex in a public place? I am gonna have to think about this one.
50. If so, where?
51. Had sex outdoors in broad daylight? Yes.
52. Had sex on the roof of a building? No.
53. Had sex in a stationary car? Like a station wagon? No.
54. Had sex in a moving car? Oral, and Hand....but, not full on backseat sex....am waiting?
55. Are you a member of the mile high club? No.
56. Had sex outdoors at night? Yes.
57. Had two sexual partners at the same time unaware of each other? No, nasty
59. Had sex in the host's bedroom while a day guest (party/social visit)? No
60. Had sex in the host's bedroom while an overnight guest? No.
61. Had sex in a public room while an overnight guest? No
62. Had sex at your office or other work area? Yes.
63. Met partner during work hours to have sex? Yes, for awhile there at lunch.
64. Had sex in a public restroom? No.
65. Had sex on public transportation (bus, train, taxi, etc.)? No.
66. Had sex in a dark theatre? HELLO I don't even like it when people talk during the trailers.
67. Had sex in the water (ocean, lake, pool, hot tub)? Yes.
68. Had sex in an elevator? No.
69. Had sex in a cemetery? Gross. No.
70. Had sex in a store dressing room? No.
71. Used alcohol to lower resistance to sexual advances? LOL. umm Yea, no questions asked no lies.
72. Allowed yourself to be felt up by a stranger? Duhhhh! Mostly straight men..don't know why.
73. Looked at a nude magazine? HA HA a nude magazine...lol YES.
74. Looked at an explicit magazine (actual sex acts)? Yes. I LOVE PORN
75. Seen a live stripper? Yes.
76. Seen a live sex show? You mean like porn or a play or what???
77. Watched someone having sex without their knowledge? hmmm. they knew.
78. Showered with a partner? Love it. Yes.
79. Flashed someone (breasts, genitals, mooned)? Yes.
80. Streaked with a group of six or more? No.
81. Stripped for someone? Yes.
82. Stripped for a group of 3 or more? Yes, I had much alcohol in me if that counts.
83. Participated at a nude beach or nudist camp? No.
84. Been the only nude person in a group of 3 or more? No.
85. Played strip poker (or a similar game involving nudity)? No
86. Showered while someone watched? Yes.
87. Masturbated? If no one else loves me...I DO!
88. Masturbated while someone watched? Yes.
89. Masturbated for a group of three or more people? No.
90. Masturbated covertly in public? Not to climax but, yeah.
91. Had sex while you knew someone was watching? They could have been watching.
92. Been walked in on while having sex? No.
93. Walked in on someone having sex? Yes, < BAD MEMORIES >
94. Had phone sex? Was an addict for awhile...is it my fault people like to call me...Mostly though for a ldr...nine months....but, when i was single there were three guys that would call me and want to talk and then it lead to a naughty session
95. Watched a porno film with a sexual partner? Yeah, we tried to immatate the moves. LOL. Yep, I did the same thing.
96. Been the photographer for a nude photo? No.
97. Been photographed nude? Yes.
98. Been photographed having sex? Tried, pictures didn't come out that great... hard to take pics and have sex.
99. Been videotaped having sex? No
100. Want to have sex with me? I am answering the quiz myself....so does that mean do I want to have sex with myself? Or, what?? Current Mood:  sickCurrent Music: The 5, 6, 7, 8's "Whoooo Hooo" | | Monday, November 15th, 2004 | | 7:47 pm |
Goodnight Peach.......
I haven't written in many weeks. And, it's sad to think about why I am writing tonight. I had thought about titling this entry....Death's Bitch. I was going to go on and on about how we have no choice about dying. How one day it will happen to all of us, no reason, no rhyme. But, as I thought about what to write...I found myself thinking about how inconsiderate it would be and how disrespectful I would be to my friend Kathie Peach. As I type...and, see her name in text...and, realize what I am about to type I am saddened. This past weekend, (Nov. 13th to be exact)my friend Kathie Peach passed away. She was in her early 50's. She was our speech therapist at work. She was an awesome lady. There wasn't a day that went by that if I didn't see her I wouldn't go up to her & hug her. Or, pinch her bottom. I am very flirtatious with people & she was no exception. In fact, Our Rehab Coordinator had mentioned to Kathie that she thought I was her husband. Kathies words to be exact were........"Ah....no. He's young enough to be my son."
There are so many things I could tell you about Kathie. I could tell you how funny she was;how when she finished telling a story, right before she hit the door, she would turn around and walk back into my office & start a whole new one. How her new love in her life was her TIVO. She had an infectious laughter that I can still hear in my head. I could tell you how close she was to her two daughters Amanda & Lauren. How she talked about them often...not as just a parent...but, also as a friend. She was hip & with it (as she would say). She listened to Modest Mouse & The Shins. She was kind & thoughful. It's still unreal. How can you never talk to someone again? How can you never let them know how much they meant to you? How can you never see them passing you in the hallway again & just smile. What about our High-Fives about the Landslide Kerry was about to take in the polls? She was a beautiful person who, I adored. I will miss you Kathie.
KP.....where you at? Kathieeeeeeeeeee Peachhhhhhhhh. Peachhhhhhhhhhh! Current Mood: sadCurrent Music: Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band | | Monday, September 20th, 2004 | | 11:45 pm |
| | Tuesday, September 7th, 2004 | | 12:53 am |
</strong> A BBQ, AN EX, & A GEMINI Hello Once Again...all my friends.....How are things? I thought it rude to start my journal without giving a little love to the people who read this. I hope things are well with you. =)
Well, my three day weekend was great. I had one of my best friends child's birthday party to attend. One year. Wow, time flies. It's funny to me...to see all these friends of mine getting married, having children, beginning their life with someone. As a young gay man...yes 26 is still young...lol..I guess I am just wondering when is it my turn for those things. Anyway, the party was great...caught up with alot of my married friends....or out of town friends. Wonderful.
Then, later on in the evening...we all went out to a club for dancing & drinking. The radio station was promoting an event for the rapper that was going to be performing that night. His name was Gemini. I had heard of him but, wasn't familiar with his music. Well, let's just say he made at least one fan that night. Plus, he was cute. My type for sure. And, I actually liked three of his songs. It's funny....when you hear someone perform live its always a different reaction then if you were to just hear it on the radio. Live music is usually always better. Anyway, yeah....so I pretty much could not get these three particular songs out of my head. It was fun. I didn't drink too much. Mostly just kamikaze shots with friends. FUN, FUN, FUN. However, I was upset for about 30 minutes when two of my friends left the group to do their own thing. I couldn't decide if I was being immature or if I should be insulted. I being the rationale being I am....became insulted. I feel like when you go out with a group of friends to party...you are going out with a group of friends. If a guy wants to dance with you or you hit it off fine. I have no problem with that. But, if two friends in the group seclude themselves to find guys to dance with and, ignore the friends they came with. I have a problem with that. As we were waiting for the mini-concert to begin. My friend Nycole (lots of friends named nicole you will find another one in a paragraph or so) and, friend Xoshi...pronounced Soshi...decided they did not want to stand in the front of the club to get a good view of the stage. They did however, want to leave us for thirty minutes and dance with guys while we saved them a spot. See to me that is just rude. We came as a group to have fun. And, when people seclude themselves from the group....I think...well then why come with us. I mean if we went seperately then I would have no problem. There would be no obligation to hang with us...but, to say let's go do a group thing. I felt like I was being used. Ok, your fun for this long...but, after awhile...when im bored...i will find something else. I don't know is it just me. Am I being totally neurotic or do I have the right to be insulted? I think so...so moving on....
What else did I do? Oh, one day I had a sex and the city marathon. THAT WAS VERY FUN. Of course, I may have watched too many episodes. Later that night, I dreamt that Charlotte, Mr. Big, & Myself were involved in a torrid triangle. I was so sure Mr. Big loved me. He was dating both of us. He was playing games like most men do. In case you have noticed lately, I have been a bit more (shall we say) bitter to men. I am considering not going to the Wedding of my ex's sister. He & I have such a dysfunctional relationship right now...that I can't completly say its healthy for me to attend. I want to go for his sister Nicole. But, has enough time passed for us to be in the same room. It's really a tricky situation. Should I punish myself & nicole by not going just for him? I don't need to dream about triangles as long as he is in my life. And, that's another thing. Do I want him in my life anymore. I have done my best to try to keep us as friends. But, he hasn't given me that much in return. Tonight, I calmly deleted him from all my buddy list on all my different programs. If he wants to talk to me...he can find me. I won't be tempted to say hello & try to keep a friend, if a friend is not there to be found. I was reading a friend of mine's journal & he was talking about an ex. He stated that he put up with more than he would allow most people because he was in love. And, that's so true. I wouldn't let my other friends treat me the way he has. So, why do I keep him in my life? Do I really think we can be friends? Or, do I still hope that someday...we will find our way back to one another? How can I even answer that? My new adage should be...is he the one whos fucked up or am I the one whos fucked up? Another reason for the SATC marathon was because I can relate to Carrie so much. I have my own Mr. Big. And, in the end...will I end up with him?
Lastly, I know alot of reading....(if anyone has gotten this far....you deserve a hug and maybe even a kiss) I went to my Mom's for Labor day. This story is simple. BBQ, Family, & Fun. And, surprisingly no one fought. My niece Jaden (the one that was in the hospital) is completely fine. She is growing bigger everyday & is healthy. That is all for now. Thanks to all my true friends.......Much love from me to you. Hope you had a wonderful Labor day...and can't wait to catch up soon.
Have a great week. XOXOXO Drew XOXOXOXO Current Mood: goodCurrent Music: Christina Aguliera "El Beso Del Final" | | Wednesday, September 1st, 2004 | | 2:15 am |
IM PISSED.....SERIOUSLY...AND SLEEPY.
Well, so much for going to bed early...LOL..I am a bit pissed. As in I WANT TO FUCKIN HIT SOMETHING..SERIOUSLY. I am a pretty mellow guy....I don't let too many things bother me...I let it roll off. But, tonight....the one person who can pretty much turn my world around...and who has...for the last year....DID IT AGAIN. And, to top it off he didn't even know he probably did it. GOD I am so....let me just get my issues out. Fuck...I can't even be angry without trying to rationalize it...I just need to OWN THE MOMENT AND BE FUCKIN ANGRY even if i am a fool....even if it sounds stupid tomorrow....DAMIAN ....DAMIAN...DAMIAN....I seriously think I am being tested here.
How can someone who you loved and lived with for three years be not only fuckin blind...but a fuckin moron too? Seriously, would I date someone dumb. I don't think so. I like intelligent, people. And, yet....I am dumbfounded as to why he is still in my life and, why does he still affect me so.
I will try to bunch all my issues together cause I seriously could come up with 300...ok thats an exxageration but, still....NUMBER ONE....How can he say GEE ANDREW YOUR THE BEST. You were the only boyfriend that was good for me...the only boyfriend i really loved...the only boyfriend that treated me good. And, still act an ass towards me. So, let's see he dumps me after 3 years with really no good reason other than at 21 he was too young to get married. FINE I GET THAT..I Was young too.. TOO MATURE TOO FAST. ok, im not a fool. Then, he gets involved with three guys back to back ....relationships that dont last more than a few months...and that usually end up in physical or mental abuse. I am the best...YOur the best andrew...then how did you get over me in a month....cause thats what it seemed like....and, still be pining over someone who spit in your face...wait, u said they were assholes, and liars, and cheaters, and not honest...but yet WE MISS HIM....AND ITS LONELY....But you ANDREW...were OK to be without....ITS EASY. Oh, wait.....I don't like my boyfriend let's call ANDREW....let's go to his house...and fool around....let's have phone sex...cause its WAY BETTER than actually being in the relationship I AM IN......IM SO GREAT...so....why aren't you with me? Or, better yet...why don't you treat me with some respect. Am I treated differently cause I REALLY AM SPECIAL to him.....he never cheated on me...with anyone...that i believe. I know some people may find that one hard to believe....but its true. And, the only person he cheated on with his other boyfriends was with me.......So does that make me special or stupid? I am the only person he lived with....LOTS OF PRESSURE...especially after just being in "LOVE ONLINE" after 9 months we moved in together rite away....hadn't even met at that point...but we preceded to live together for three years...tell me thats not an accomplishment...now he cant go two months without being in love with someone and then breaking up with them...so is what i had real or what they had real...oh, and the psychics...the ones before....let's see what have they all said.,.....he truly wants me...he thinks about me all the time....and he has admitted this to me on certain occasions......i have touched him in ways no one has....he is my soulmate....but, he has to realize i am the one he wants and needs in his life.... he doesnt think he deserves my love..thats why he settles for these terrible relationships because he feels guilty for breaking up with me.....well damn right he probably doesnt deserve my love...but i can't hide the fact that its still there ...everyday it grows farther away but, its there NOW...i just don't understand....love and DAMIAN...and, anythign...im so frustrated...earlier i cried to a movie...great movie LOVE ACTUALLY...it was awesome..and, i was crying because of the JOY and HAPPINESS love can bring to someone...and, now im crying...cause im feeling the hurt and pain it can bring. I hate feeling like I am being used or being lied to. My number one issue has to be honesty...just talk to me with honesty and we wont have a problem.....I sometimes think is Damian really that messed up....or Am I that messed up for having loved him? And, having love for him still.
He always tells me one thing....Oh i am so happy ...things are so on track with my life...then a month later...i was lying i wasnt happy...things have been shitty for a month....i feel like what he tells me is never the truth...so is that in a weird way a good thing. Am I fooling myself when he acts like he doesnt love or care me....does that mean he really does...or does he honestly feel that way. I keep remembeing that movie....great line here... Sometimes we don't do things we really want to do....so others won't know how much we want to do them......Right now...i would settle for a guy I can just hold right now...i just want to hold someone in my arms....right now hell i would settle for a girl right now..i just need to be close...that physical contact...i need to hold someone...and then after awhile have them lay on my chest while i slowly placed my fingers on their back and just moved them back and forward in a nice slow motion.
welll...here it is 215 and im tired...i cant remember half of what i wrote but, it was all inside and now its out so thats good...i need to write this for myself....ANDREW YOU ARE A GREAT GUY...AND PEOPLE DO KNOW THAT....ONE DAY YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE SOMEONE VERY HAPPY....AND VICE VERSA.
HUGS ANDREW..
Current Mood: pissed offCurrent Music: Korn _ Got THE LIFE | | Saturday, August 28th, 2004 | | 9:00 pm |
Saturday Night.....Yay!
Saturday....Well, I paid some bills. Went to McDonalds. And, helped buy a kiddie pool. And, all this by 5pm. I had two plans for today. Option One...I would work, a few hours, come home, talk to a very cute boi, and chat with some friends online. Option Two....Rent some dvd's, order some Chinese Take out, and hop on the couch. Well, Plan one didn't pan out....so I went and, got some movies...YAY!
I hadn't realized it but, I haven't been to rent movies in awhile. Lately, if there is a movie I want to see I just head on over to BESTBUY and, pick it up. Anyway, I couldn't stop myself. I ended up renting four movies I have never seen. So let's review them (pre-show) shall we.....YAY!
Dvd Pick #1. The Prince & Me....Two words...Julia Stiles. I love her. I've loved her since 10 things I hate about you...one of my favs...and, that love cemented with Save The Last Dance. LOL. I have lot's of favs.
Dvd Pick #2. Scary Movie 3.....Well, the first two were ok. And, I could use some silly laughs. Not normally one of my must sees...but, I still wanted to see some dumb comedy.
Dvd Pick #3. Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights....Normally, I am not a fan of sequels or prequels that do not include one of the following: same characters, same actors, same story. But, I thought give it a try. I have heard the music...ok, I downloaded some songs...Im a bad, bad man. And, It was good so, I thought check it out.
Dvd Pick#4. Love Actually...This is the only movie of the four I had heard something positive about. And, its a romantic comedy. Im sucker. I really hope when the screenwriting takes off....I can write off...any dvd purchases or rentals. It's for work, do you think the govt. would buy that.
Well, this is my Saturday Night...and, I'm not too unhappy about it. The only thing I wish was different was having a nice boy along to watch the movies with and cuddle. I had it once. And, I am sure I will again. I seriously need to post more...it has been so long...since I've posted something real. Well, off to my bed...weeeeeeeeeeeeee! Hehehe. I normally dont weeeeeeeeeeee but, a guy I know says it alot and, its starting to sink into my subconcious.
Anyway, chat with myself later...lol
Drew
Current Mood: relaxedCurrent Music: Movie..."The Prince & Me".... | | Friday, August 20th, 2004 | | 11:50 pm |
| | 9:44 am |
MY PERFECT GUY
His Look: Name:: although it doesn't really matter..i like proper names..Thomas, Edward, Charles, etc. Hair Colour:: I like darker haired guys...black, brown... Hair Style (long, short, bowl cut, cornrows, etc) :: I prefer short or medium but, hey whatever works Eye colour:: I don't really care Age:: Apparently 20 :-) to 35..but who can put an age limit on love Height:: 5'9 to 6'2 thats average right?? Size:: of WHAT??lol..i tend to like rounder type of guys Body build:: Hey if u can get me to a gym MORE POWER TO YOU if not...lets just not overeat but, lets not deny our pleasure in any aspects in our life Ethnicity:: Well, I tend to fall for white guys or mexican guys...but love is love Glasses?: glasses are HOT to Me..but, if you dont wear them well, then you can see SO THATS OK TOO.. Piercings?: A few is ok, if you NEED to express yourself..but too many might not be good. Chest hair?: a little is sexy..but not neccesary big ol booty? or no?: lol...I have the booty so too many bootys in a bed might be too much label: well, sadly...labels are lame..but, just like life everything has a label..so i guess i like semi preppy, guys but, really just laid back cool funny people kick ass His Mind in school?: thats cool..but again not required at least hes learning some new things.. what does he want be/do when he grows up?: Creative and HAPPY...teacher, writer, artist...all very cool...not part of Corporate America Can he speak another language, if yes what?: It would be awesome if he could..TEACH ME...spanish, french, japanese Can he read music?: again, would be cool...that way the songs i write about him he could help me put my melody to it on paper Can he read guitar tabs?: eh' Can he play guitar?: eh' piano?: he could teach me...piano sex is errr....nevermind..i imagine it would be cool the drums?: eh' some other instrument?: eh' Can he write music?: eh' Will he write songs about you?: no, i will write them about him Will he write poems about you?: he could Will he be artistic in some way?: yes, hell gardening or decorating is artistic i suck at both..well decorating not so much but, still im only medium well gay not well done gay Will he "blind you with science?": lol...Ah, no. His Style Party hopper or stay at home?: Both..I like the duality. Straight A student of Drop out?: Somewhere in between how about a B student or a C+ student Does he have a best friend?: YES he has too...please. is it you?: I can be one of his best friends... Is he straight or bi?: Straight....but, will he still have the GAY SEX WITH ME..lol...DEFINETLY GAY...Bi is cool..But, I WANT THE GAY. so i can tell him LETS GO GAY TOGETHER. YAY! Religious? what type?: Im catholic..so that helps but, i will love him regardless Virgin? till marriage or till "the rite time"?: RIGHT TIME FOR SURE... Should he be able to bake or cook?: Yes...help a brotha out...we can take turns Is it okay for him to have a lot of gal pals?: SURE..I do.... Out-going or shy?:: More outgoing than shy...but, shy is cute Should he watch chick-flicks?:: I DO..so yeah. Would he be a smoker?:: Not ideally...no..but stress is a bitch so i understand..but, umm no drinking?:: Moderation BABY...he can just dont go crazy cursing?: LOL..FUCK NO...yeah if he has too..feel free there are more problems in the world than language does he play football(US)?: eh' soccer?: eh' baseball?: that would be cool. basketball?: eh' rugby?: Rugby? Im the only contact sport he needs AIGHT. golf?: eh' does he drag race?: lol..drag....hehehe....race...wouldn't that be funny to see some drage queens on an olympic track..oh is that funny just for me. does he have a "pimped up" ride?: he dont have too..besides when i start bringing in the money i will buy him something nice Can he surf?: eh' skateboard?: is he 12? lol..eh' snowboard?: eh' Would he have an accent?: He could..not required. Anything else?: laid back, no drama, fun, dancer, sweet, generous with people like me You and Him *last part!* Does he kiss on the first date?:: only if we both know date two will be the next day hehe Where does he take you?: Movies, Dinner, Walk, is that so cliched or what? but, its true Does he pay?: If he asks out YES..If I ask out..I DO.. Would he lay under the stars with you and spout random philosophies?: Yes and no..LAY UNDER STARS YES but, i would rather cuddle or just talk to eachother about silly things..ok then damn it YEs to both Would he use endearments?: What is that sweetie, cutie, honeybunny, DONT USE THAT LAST ONE, Drewbear, Drewbie, Drewster Would you hold hands?: MOST DEF. Would you ever stay the nite at his place?: Depends Would he give you flowers/candy or a big expensive gift.: Flowers. Yeah, Im gay...and ????? Would he walk you to your door at the end o the nite?: He better . How would he propose?: I haven't decided about if he should or I should propose but for the quiz it says him..so how about something simple and romantic. A walk in the park...Over Ice Cream. Lastly, after you meet, get hitched, etc. What do u name your kids?: lol..Boy-Potter ( I LIKE IT), or Thomas Girl-Piper, Emma | | 1:29 am |
I'm Still Here...and, Yet I'm Not ?
"I'm Still Here" I am a question to the world, Not an answer to be heard. All a moment that's held in your arms. And what do you think you'd ever say? I won't listen anyway… You don't know me, And I’ll never be what you want me to be. And what do you think you'd understand? I'm a boy, no, I'm a man.. You can take me and throw me away. And how can you learn what's never shown? Yeah, you stand here on your own. They don't know me 'cause I'm not here. And I want a moment to be real, Wanna touch things I don't feel, Wanna hold on and feel I belong. And how can the world want me to change, They’re the ones that stay the same. The don’t know me, 'Cause I’m not here. And you see the things they never see All you wanted, I could be Now you know me, and I'm not afraid And I wanna tell you who I am Can you help me be a man? They can break me As long as I know who I am And I want a moment to be real, Wanna touch things I don't feel, Wanna hold on and feel I belong. And how can the world want me to change, They’re the ones that stay the same. They can’t see me, But I’m still here. They can’t tell me who to be, ‘Cause I’m not what they see. And the world is still sleepin’, While I keep on dreamin’ for me. And their words are just whispers And lies that I’ll never believe. And I want a moment to be real, Wanna touch things I don't feel, Wanna hold on and feel I belong. And how can they say I never change They’re the ones that stay the same. I’m the one now, ‘Cause I’m still here. I’m the one, ‘Cause I’m still here. I’m still here. I’m still here. I’m still here.
~~Is Love ever Fair? ~~ Ok, so tonight my good friend Rodney tells me he really likes me. And, he thinks he could be falling in love with me. He is a very sweet person. He is a very cool guy. He reminds me very much of the EX....ALOT.I told him that...and, he said he was flattered that someone like me could fall for someone like him (THE EX). He was happy that it was possible. I like him. But, I don't have those feelings for him. At least, not right now. I just want to be friends & he told me that he would be fine with me never liking him like that but, he had to tell me how he felt. That was nice, wasn't it? It's always nice when someone says they care about you. Is love ever fair? It's always the people you like/love that are always the slowest to come around. And, out of the blue someone you don't expect tells you how they feel.Oh, LOVE....YOU HEARTLESS BEEEOTTCH. I don't get you. Will I ever?
****VACATION & The THREE Hands**** YAY! I am planning on going to New Hampshire. I was originally going in Nov. But, it is being moved up to Oct. Possibly. I am checking the airfare. I am so happy to finally take a real vacation. It has been so long. Almost three years. It sucks too that I get a month off & because of work & other obligations I can't be gone more than a week. But, either way Im so happy. I am going to see the lovely Mrs. Fenton. Too BAD IM kinda crooked or I would so hook it up with her. (BOSTON ACCENT) SHES WICKED COOL. But, I am scared about the plane. It's so funny to me. There are so many ways we are validated as ADULTS. But, when we encounter such simple obstacles like getting on a plane we (or, at least I) revert back to such a child like state. I am deathly afraid. It would be so much better if I had someone going with me. This is a time when I wish I had a boyfriend to hold hands with on the flight. I would feel much more safe if I had him beside me. LOL. BOYFRIEND? HA. Let's see on ONE Hand...we have Rodney who I like as a friend. On, the SECOND HAND....we have Damian who recently admitted to me that I am the shit..and the best boyfriend anyone could have. But, is still working out his other issues. As, the psychic once told me about him...he has more issues than TIME magazine and more baggage than a 747. HA! And, then on the THIRD HAND......wait, third hand?? ummm.........well.........I say let's not quibble (hehe I LOVE THAT WORD) and, move on.....ON THE THIRD HAND...I have Kevin who Im not sure kinda likes me...or is amused by me and is subtley trying to keep it just as friends. GRRRR. I need a hug. lol
^^^ And, last but, not least THE VENT ^^^ You know im so tired of being called sweet, or cute, or sincere, or loyal. Or, you have such a big dick. YOU KNOW WHAT...yeah i have all those qualities but, there is so much more to me. And, I think people just stick you in this role to play. I have many levels. LOL. I think im on the bitchy level right now..or the impatient level. Oh, and then those wonderful snails of mine. Yeah, they eluded me once again. Today was laundry day. One minute they were there...and, then like that (POOF) their gone. (USUAL SUSPECTS) Oh, any then my MOM wants me to buy a dog. I can barely take care of Percy the fish..... OMG PERCY........BRB...............................................................................................................................................................................................................Ok Percy is all good...It's only been two days since I fed her..ok i won't lie damn u conscience...four days. I am such a bastard. No wonder I don't have a boyfriend. I can't even take care of my fish. I don't deserve a boyfriend. I SUCK. I don't know why LOVE is weighing so much on my mind right now. It usually doesn't. I have the whole what's meant to be will be attitude. Maybe, its because Rodney "came out" and told me how he feels for me. Or, Maybe its because Damian although still has much work on his part to do...admitted to me that he does care for me. Or, Maybe its because I want to Lala with Kevin. I wish life was like the internet...and, when I wanted to disappear for a bit...I could put my away message up. LOL. Ok, ANDREW PUT THE KEYBOARD DOWN..NO MORE NET LINGO.I just like...errrr. Do you ever just get the feeling that the life you are leading right now is only temporary? That there is this whole other life you are meant to lead. Or, that if you just stop for a moment...your body will keep on moving forward but, your spirit would just stay in place. I know I have many great things ahead for me. LOVE, A SUCCESSFUL CAREER. LOVE. A HOME (THAT I BUY). LOVE. AS you can see I love, love. I just really want to hold someone right now. I don't care who at this point. And, I don't mean like hold someone as a boyfriend. RIGHT NOW. I just mean I want to be physically close to someone right now. I want them to lay on my chest as I lightly stroke their back. Or, play with their hair. Or, I hold them in my arms. The simplest things in life are usually the hardest to attain. Why is that? Happiness...I mean the word alone....HOW HARD IS IT TO BE HAPPY? I always say it's not. LOVE. How hard is it to find AND KEEP a good LOVE. Wow, I'm not usually so pessimistic. lol. I think I need a hug. =( NIGHT. P.s This journal thing is driving me crazy I had typed most of this out about half an hour ago...and for some reason the journal moved on the next page without saving any of my text. THAT SUCKED. So i had to rewrite all this. LOL. Andrew Ray Gomez....Born 11/27/77....lucky three 7's. VEGAS BABY! Current Mood:  stressedCurrent Music: Johnny Reznick "I'm Still Here" |
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